Archive for the New Ideas Category

The Midwest – America’s Used Condom

Posted in Hate Speech, Humor, Life Lesson, New Ideas, News/Current Events, Serious Business with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 2, 2009 by chumpchange

Perhaps some of you like the midwest. Well I fucking hate it, it is flat like your mom and boring like your fathers blowjobs. Seriously, the only cool place was Colorado and that because it looks cool, make the entire midwest a giant prison or something productive, make the prisoners farm for free, that could be their community service, and they would be learning a trade that would allow them to be able to merge back into society and not have to go all shawshank and kill themselves. Kansas sucks, it is so boring, and long and flat, I got to see the Oz Museum, well that was certainly a treat, except it wasn’t I was actually hoping to be raped by something that wasn’t Oz related. Utah is cool right? No, it is just as long and as voring as Kansas except it has the added danger of cold mountains, steep hills, no services (phone, gas, food) for 100 miles at a time, elk and deer crossing, mormons, polygamists, etc… The list just goes on and on.

Anyway, I have enjoyed my trip but I don’t think I will drive it again, unless someone else drives and the midwest gets more interesting.

Rappers Delight

Posted in Geekish, Geeky, Humor, New Ideas, News/Current Events with tags , , , , , on December 14, 2008 by chumpchange

Lets philosophise here for a minute. What would happen if Corrupt gave a fuck about a bitch? Socrates says, and so it is stated, that he would always be broke and he quite possibly would have no mothefuckin’ endo to smoke. Thoughts?

I Just Ate An Alarming Amount of Wendy’s

Posted in Life Lesson, manly, Morbid, New Ideas, Serious Business, Sex Story, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on December 11, 2008 by mazmo

To clear things up from the get-go,  I am not stating that I performed cunnilingus upon a bevy of women named Wendy in tandem (life-affirmingly bizarre as that would be).  No, I’m stating that for lunch today I consumed 4 ninety-nine cent double stack hamburgers and a baked potato.  This cost me five dollars. 

I was fairly hungry going into Wendy’s, but not quite hungry enough to foreshadow the repulsive gustatory display I put on for anyone who would dare to watch.  Since I was sitting by myself and had no reading material to speak of, it took me roughly 8 minutes to consume four Christ-punching double stacked hamburgers and the goddamn baked potato.  Post-lunch angioplasty is not covered by my insurance carrier, the fucks.  

Sitting here right now, praying for a young, beautiful death via distended stomach detonation, I’m beginning to realize that the sole reason I mortgaged my already fragile health today is because I could afford to.  5 holy fuck dollars bought me enough food to induce a sensation not unlike that of dropping high-grade triple-stack ecstasy. This was followed by a narcoleptic crash so severe that it required every gatherable amount of energy and dignity to fight off.  A white-hot steel cactus inserted into my ass probably would not wake me up right now. 

That is all.

The Venom Condom

Posted in Geeky, Humor, New Ideas with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2008 by chumpchange

Would you wear a piece of venom’s suit as a condom? Would it turn your semen black? Would the condom latch onto your semen and mess with its DNA? What would happen if some altered semen got out and impregnated someone? Would this semen be mobile and be able to impregnate anyone, meaning can it walk around like the suit can at this point? What if altered semen was the sequel to altered beast?

I might do it just for the chance to have black colored semen, there has to be a way to dye your semen, I want to make that product.

The Proof Is In The Pudding…

Posted in Humor, New Ideas, News/Current Events with tags , , , , , , , on November 26, 2008 by chumpchange

I would like to suggest an alternate, possible complete take over of this saying. I want to change it to, the Monkey Is In The Basketball. Why?

Watch This: (click link, and scroll down. Then watch and enjoy

The Monkey Is In The Basketball

Absurdity, unbelieveable.

Person 1: So, people say you are good at writing term papers, any truth to that?

Person 2: The monkey is in the basketball.

Person 1: what?

Person 2: …

Shitty Vampire Movies (well, just one)

Posted in Hate Speech, Humor, Morbid, New Ideas, News/Current Events with tags , , , , , , on November 21, 2008 by mazmo

For anyone who plans on seeing Twlight, or reading it (which is even fucking worse), read this blog entry at my favorite movie site CHUD:

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1337/A-Nice-Hard-Slap—Fuck-This-Face.html

AND the follow up:

http://chud.com/articles/blogs/1388/A-Nice-Hard-Slap—Fuck-This-Face-II-Fuck-This-Face-Harder.html

Hilarity I tell you

The Farmer In The Dell

Posted in Humor, New Ideas with tags , , , , on November 17, 2008 by chumpchange

ZOMG!!!!!11!!11! WTF is a dell?  That is all!