Archive for the manly Category

I Just Ate An Alarming Amount of Wendy’s

Posted in Life Lesson, manly, Morbid, New Ideas, Serious Business, Sex Story, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on December 11, 2008 by mazmo

To clear things up from the get-go,  I am not stating that I performed cunnilingus upon a bevy of women named Wendy in tandem (life-affirmingly bizarre as that would be).  No, I’m stating that for lunch today I consumed 4 ninety-nine cent double stack hamburgers and a baked potato.  This cost me five dollars. 

I was fairly hungry going into Wendy’s, but not quite hungry enough to foreshadow the repulsive gustatory display I put on for anyone who would dare to watch.  Since I was sitting by myself and had no reading material to speak of, it took me roughly 8 minutes to consume four Christ-punching double stacked hamburgers and the goddamn baked potato.  Post-lunch angioplasty is not covered by my insurance carrier, the fucks.  

Sitting here right now, praying for a young, beautiful death via distended stomach detonation, I’m beginning to realize that the sole reason I mortgaged my already fragile health today is because I could afford to.  5 holy fuck dollars bought me enough food to induce a sensation not unlike that of dropping high-grade triple-stack ecstasy. This was followed by a narcoleptic crash so severe that it required every gatherable amount of energy and dignity to fight off.  A white-hot steel cactus inserted into my ass probably would not wake me up right now. 

That is all.


Chest Hair Is Manly

Posted in Humor, manly, New Ideas with tags , , , , , on October 21, 2008 by chumpchange

Really, I don’t think I have to say more than the title but real men have chest hair. I have battled with that idea for years. Women like men that are hairy and manly. And the more hair the better and more manly we are. Look at Burt Reynolds, Sean Connery, Tarzan, Sasquatch. Ask any woman about the first two and they will surely sleep with them and ask about the second two and some will probably still sleep with them simply based on the chest hair.

So, grow that chest hair, loud and proud, stick out, cut it off and glue it to your face. It doesn’t matter what you do just show it off.