Archive for the Humor Category

Why So Serious?

Posted in Geekish, Geeky, Humor, Serious Business with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 7, 2009 by chumpchange

All I have is this photo.

At Least It Gary Oldman

At Least It Gary Oldman

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The Midwest – America’s Used Condom

Posted in Hate Speech, Humor, Life Lesson, New Ideas, News/Current Events, Serious Business with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 2, 2009 by chumpchange

Perhaps some of you like the midwest. Well I fucking hate it, it is flat like your mom and boring like your fathers blowjobs. Seriously, the only cool place was Colorado and that because it looks cool, make the entire midwest a giant prison or something productive, make the prisoners farm for free, that could be their community service, and they would be learning a trade that would allow them to be able to merge back into society and not have to go all shawshank and kill themselves. Kansas sucks, it is so boring, and long and flat, I got to see the Oz Museum, well that was certainly a treat, except it wasn’t I was actually hoping to be raped by something that wasn’t Oz related. Utah is cool right? No, it is just as long and as voring as Kansas except it has the added danger of cold mountains, steep hills, no services (phone, gas, food) for 100 miles at a time, elk and deer crossing, mormons, polygamists, etc… The list just goes on and on.

Anyway, I have enjoyed my trip but I don’t think I will drive it again, unless someone else drives and the midwest gets more interesting.

Rappers Delight

Posted in Geekish, Geeky, Humor, New Ideas, News/Current Events with tags , , , , , on December 14, 2008 by chumpchange

Lets philosophise here for a minute. What would happen if Corrupt gave a fuck about a bitch? Socrates says, and so it is stated, that he would always be broke and he quite possibly would have no mothefuckin’ endo to smoke. Thoughts?

HodgePodge

Posted in Geeky, gross, Hate Speech, Humor, Life Lesson, Morbid, Owned, Serious Business, Sex Story with tags , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2008 by chumpchange

I like Porn. I just watched a clip from “Shut up and Blow Me 18”. Who says sequels can’t be better than the original. Somehow this got me thinking “What would the box art to “Shut Up And Blow Me 18” look like? Well I looked first in Google and here is what I got.

More Suck For Your Buck (Thats really the tag line)

More Suck For Your Buck (Thats really the tag line)

So then I went to google image search to see if anything interesting came up and I found some GEMS!! So, Yeah you can look for them yourself, really nothing that funny, I just exaggerated before I even looked and am too lazy to delete it, but I know that in the time it took me to look and then write this I easily could have taken that part out, but I digress.

Anyway,  on the tail end of Mazmo’s excellent Wendy’s adventure I need to tell you about something I am sad to say that I ate yesterday. First of all I was flying from L.A. back to N.C. and I had a layover in Detroit and if you have ever been to Detroit (the airport, not the city) you wil know that it is just about as large as Mandingo’s cock. The thing is long and there is lots of food to choose from, I had a moderate amount of time to find something to eat, but not enough to sit down, so after 10 fucking minutes of walking i finally got to my gate, just to make sure I knew where the hell it was, I passed alot of stuff I wanted to eat (mainly some roast beef (curtains)). Anyway I settled on a hot dog because it was right there next to the gate. Well, the fries were good and the soda was good and overall the hot dog was ok sort of but the presentation of it. It looked like someone just finished filming two girls one cup over this hot dog, I mean it was dripping with something that was supposedly chili and frankly (great pun, eh?) the texture was rubbery, and floppy, and it had like a think rubbery skin on it, it really could have been pig foreskin soaked in hot dog water. Who knows. I ate it, I am ashamed but I paid for it and airport food is expensive, which brings me to another point.

I sat next to the fattest lady, which is fine for like an hour flight but this was abotu a 5 hour flight, she couldn’t even but the arm rests down AND she was sitting in the middle so she was inconveniencing 2 people. When she got up to go to the bath room I put the arm rest down and when she got back she sat down, the arm rests stretched apart and her fat poured over the sides like a non-newtonian liquid, it was gross and it was starting to eat me, by the end of the flight i was exhausted and sore from having it rest on me, then I masturbated.

OJ Simpson’s Second Trial Was a Real Letdown

Posted in Humor, News/Current Events, Owned with tags , , , , , , , on December 10, 2008 by khakislacksgangster

Wasn’t life so much better in the 90’s?  The first time OJ decided to commit a crime, he killed his ex-wife and some other dude, went on a very low speed car chase with his boy Al Cowlings, hired Johnny Cochran (the most amusing lawyer imaginable), and got away with the whole thing – spawning national debate that broke down along racial lines.

So what happens in 2008?  He steals some of his shit back from people who stole it from him first, everyone ignores it, and he get sentenced to up to 33 years in jail.

This millenium sucks.

Help for anyone writing a song…

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 2, 2008 by dan

Christmas rhymes with isthmus. 

 

But isthmus isn’t really used that much in daily language (isthmus meaning a small strip of land between water masses).  The Isthmus of Panama is really the only one you hear people mention.

 

But there’s also the thyroid isthmus, which connects lobes of the thyroid and is located in the human trachea.

 

So if you’re writing a song and you want a word to rhyme with Christmas, you should plan on including something about Panama or the thyroid.

The Venom Condom

Posted in Geeky, Humor, New Ideas with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2008 by chumpchange

Would you wear a piece of venom’s suit as a condom? Would it turn your semen black? Would the condom latch onto your semen and mess with its DNA? What would happen if some altered semen got out and impregnated someone? Would this semen be mobile and be able to impregnate anyone, meaning can it walk around like the suit can at this point? What if altered semen was the sequel to altered beast?

I might do it just for the chance to have black colored semen, there has to be a way to dye your semen, I want to make that product.