Archive for the Geeky Category

Why So Serious?

Posted in Geekish, Geeky, Humor, Serious Business with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 7, 2009 by chumpchange

All I have is this photo.

At Least It Gary Oldman

At Least It Gary Oldman

Rappers Delight

Posted in Geekish, Geeky, Humor, New Ideas, News/Current Events with tags , , , , , on December 14, 2008 by chumpchange

Lets philosophise here for a minute. What would happen if Corrupt gave a fuck about a bitch? Socrates says, and so it is stated, that he would always be broke and he quite possibly would have no mothefuckin’ endo to smoke. Thoughts?

HodgePodge

Posted in Geeky, gross, Hate Speech, Humor, Life Lesson, Morbid, Owned, Serious Business, Sex Story with tags , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2008 by chumpchange

I like Porn. I just watched a clip from “Shut up and Blow Me 18”. Who says sequels can’t be better than the original. Somehow this got me thinking “What would the box art to “Shut Up And Blow Me 18” look like? Well I looked first in Google and here is what I got.

More Suck For Your Buck (Thats really the tag line)

More Suck For Your Buck (Thats really the tag line)

So then I went to google image search to see if anything interesting came up and I found some GEMS!! So, Yeah you can look for them yourself, really nothing that funny, I just exaggerated before I even looked and am too lazy to delete it, but I know that in the time it took me to look and then write this I easily could have taken that part out, but I digress.

Anyway,  on the tail end of Mazmo’s excellent Wendy’s adventure I need to tell you about something I am sad to say that I ate yesterday. First of all I was flying from L.A. back to N.C. and I had a layover in Detroit and if you have ever been to Detroit (the airport, not the city) you wil know that it is just about as large as Mandingo’s cock. The thing is long and there is lots of food to choose from, I had a moderate amount of time to find something to eat, but not enough to sit down, so after 10 fucking minutes of walking i finally got to my gate, just to make sure I knew where the hell it was, I passed alot of stuff I wanted to eat (mainly some roast beef (curtains)). Anyway I settled on a hot dog because it was right there next to the gate. Well, the fries were good and the soda was good and overall the hot dog was ok sort of but the presentation of it. It looked like someone just finished filming two girls one cup over this hot dog, I mean it was dripping with something that was supposedly chili and frankly (great pun, eh?) the texture was rubbery, and floppy, and it had like a think rubbery skin on it, it really could have been pig foreskin soaked in hot dog water. Who knows. I ate it, I am ashamed but I paid for it and airport food is expensive, which brings me to another point.

I sat next to the fattest lady, which is fine for like an hour flight but this was abotu a 5 hour flight, she couldn’t even but the arm rests down AND she was sitting in the middle so she was inconveniencing 2 people. When she got up to go to the bath room I put the arm rest down and when she got back she sat down, the arm rests stretched apart and her fat poured over the sides like a non-newtonian liquid, it was gross and it was starting to eat me, by the end of the flight i was exhausted and sore from having it rest on me, then I masturbated.

The Venom Condom

Posted in Geeky, Humor, New Ideas with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2008 by chumpchange

Would you wear a piece of venom’s suit as a condom? Would it turn your semen black? Would the condom latch onto your semen and mess with its DNA? What would happen if some altered semen got out and impregnated someone? Would this semen be mobile and be able to impregnate anyone, meaning can it walk around like the suit can at this point? What if altered semen was the sequel to altered beast?

I might do it just for the chance to have black colored semen, there has to be a way to dye your semen, I want to make that product.

A Pleasant Gremlin Death

Posted in Geekish, Geeky, Humor with tags , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2008 by chumpchange

I love gremlins! I mean, maybe I think I do, I don’t really like the movies that much, I guess I love the idea of Gremlins and Mogwai. One thing that gets me though is that these evil gremlins come off of the cutest thing on earth or wherever it is from. They are vile, disgusting, abhoring creatures, but they sort of kill people in a cutesy ironic sort of way, I guess they can’t shed all of Gizmo’s traits. Sure they are murderous, but they wll kill you in a cute sort of way, they will lagh while flame throwing you and somehow that is sort of endearing.

Also, what happens if you get a gremlin wet, do you start getting inbred gremlins? Do the same rules apply to gremlins as they do to mogwai? Why was spike an evil mogwai? Why do I remember these things and then think about them?

In Defense of Halloween 3

Posted in Geekish, Geeky, Humor, Morbid, New Ideas with tags , , , , , , , on October 31, 2008 by mazmo

I’ve watched Halloween 3: Season of the Witch at least twice in the past 4 months and I’ve come to the conclusion that I love this movie.  Yes, love it. 

To begin, the central plot of the movie begs for deeper consideration: A nefarious cabal of Pagans wish to return Halloween to it’s roots through a plot to murder children by melting their heads and subsequently releasing poisonous snakes and insects from said melted child head.  Read that again. Fuck it, read it 10 more times.  Baffling!  And….awesome.

Throw in a drunken Tom Atkins, androids (holy shit!), and that old guy from Robocop (whom I’m fairly certainly was billed as “The Old Man” in the credits of Robocop) as the mastermind behind the entire adolescent-head-melting/transformation scheme and, shit, you have a serious contender for the best entry in the underappreciated  “Plots to Horribly Kill Children in Droves” genre, a personal favorite. 

Sure there’s no Michael Myers in it but I’ll be damned if this isn’t a quality picture.  Objections?

Where have you gone, Robot in Rocky IV?

Posted in Geeky, Humor, New Ideas, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 28, 2008 by dan

First things first:  I love Rocky IV.  Love it!  Not only was it a great Revenge Theme movie but it ended the Cold War.  In fact, it was one of the more apt Cold War films; Self-Made Man versus Tool of the State, Tool of the State declaring that he fights not for the polit bureau but for himself (“Yasi byah” is almost certainly not actual Russian, but it was moving in the film).

I know the whole goddamn movie was crazy.  Why didn’t the ref stop the exhibition fight before the semi-retired, wholly beloved former heavyweight champion was beaten to death?  That’s so unlikely it may as well be impossible.  How did Rocky avoid being concussed while the Russian (whose punches have been established at 2000 psi pressure) rocks his dome repeatedly? 

But one thing stands out.

The Robot.

And it’s not even that the Robot itself was so crazy.  The real point is that in all the conversations I’ve ever had about Rocky IV, or the series as a whole (and I’ve had many), everyone just avoids the topic of the Robot.

Maybe we don’t know what to say.  What can you say? 

It’s insane to think Rocky could have single-handedly won over the hearts of the entire Soviet Union.  But at the very least, the Soviet Union was a real thing!

There’s no such thing as domestic androids!  Where could Rocky have bought that?!  It’s not a real item!! 

All of us need to stop pretending that there wasn’t a completely fucking unreal robot in Rocky IV.

Enough.