The Midwest – America’s Used Condom

Perhaps some of you like the midwest. Well I fucking hate it, it is flat like your mom and boring like your fathers blowjobs. Seriously, the only cool place was Colorado and that because it looks cool, make the entire midwest a giant prison or something productive, make the prisoners farm for free, that could be their community service, and they would be learning a trade that would allow them to be able to merge back into society and not have to go all shawshank and kill themselves. Kansas sucks, it is so boring, and long and flat, I got to see the Oz Museum, well that was certainly a treat, except it wasn’t I was actually hoping to be raped by something that wasn’t Oz related. Utah is cool right? No, it is just as long and as voring as Kansas except it has the added danger of cold mountains, steep hills, no services (phone, gas, food) for 100 miles at a time, elk and deer crossing, mormons, polygamists, etc… The list just goes on and on.

Anyway, I have enjoyed my trip but I don’t think I will drive it again, unless someone else drives and the midwest gets more interesting.


5 Responses to “The Midwest – America’s Used Condom”

  1. toasterheed Says:

    The Mid-west as a prison?

    I’m thinking Escape From Wichita: Snake Pliskin has twenty four hours to get the president and get out! But instead of all the skyscrapers and subway tunnels, he fights the maniacal hordes in…in uh…fields. And then he, uh…he gets away.

    Fuck me. I can’t even imagine Kansas being exciting in a John Carpenter action film!

  2. fremenalex Says:

    Snake has to make it to get out of Wichita while avoiding rabid Christian groups and drunk frat boys from WSU. I should know, that’s how I escaped. Wow, you’re right, that’s not that exciting. Haven’t been back in years, and it’s because of that.

  3. Kansas sucks epic levels of rod, I can attest to that after having driven across that entire barren fucking waste. And yes, Colorado is damn fine. Although I believe I have an outstanding warrant for my arrest in the ciy of Denver due to an unpaid parking ticket from the one night I spent there. Bit of a shame.

  4. Just check out a US map displaying power usage via little electrical clusters and see how the midwest is as dark as an armpit. They’re either using low-watt bulbs to lower their carbon footprint or still burning whale oil. You pick.

  5. dirtydick Says:

    The Midwest is home to a lot of losers. One such retard is Matthew Yunkari, a real douchebag. Cleaning up problems like this would go a long way in improving the regions reputation.

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