Archive for December, 2008

The Wrestler

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on December 19, 2008 by dan

So this movie is supposed to be pretty good. Reviews I’ve read have been positive.

Normally, I would leave it at that, but check out this
review by Mick Foley
http://www.slate.com/id/2207076/

And let’s get a wrestling thread going on.

I’ll start.
Undertaker in his prime v. Jake The Snake in his prime.

Discuss.

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Rappers Delight

Posted in Geekish, Geeky, Humor, New Ideas, News/Current Events with tags , , , , , on December 14, 2008 by chumpchange

Lets philosophise here for a minute. What would happen if Corrupt gave a fuck about a bitch? Socrates says, and so it is stated, that he would always be broke and he quite possibly would have no mothefuckin’ endo to smoke. Thoughts?

HodgePodge

Posted in Geeky, gross, Hate Speech, Humor, Life Lesson, Morbid, Owned, Serious Business, Sex Story with tags , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2008 by chumpchange

I like Porn. I just watched a clip from “Shut up and Blow Me 18”. Who says sequels can’t be better than the original. Somehow this got me thinking “What would the box art to “Shut Up And Blow Me 18” look like? Well I looked first in Google and here is what I got.

More Suck For Your Buck (Thats really the tag line)

More Suck For Your Buck (Thats really the tag line)

So then I went to google image search to see if anything interesting came up and I found some GEMS!! So, Yeah you can look for them yourself, really nothing that funny, I just exaggerated before I even looked and am too lazy to delete it, but I know that in the time it took me to look and then write this I easily could have taken that part out, but I digress.

Anyway,  on the tail end of Mazmo’s excellent Wendy’s adventure I need to tell you about something I am sad to say that I ate yesterday. First of all I was flying from L.A. back to N.C. and I had a layover in Detroit and if you have ever been to Detroit (the airport, not the city) you wil know that it is just about as large as Mandingo’s cock. The thing is long and there is lots of food to choose from, I had a moderate amount of time to find something to eat, but not enough to sit down, so after 10 fucking minutes of walking i finally got to my gate, just to make sure I knew where the hell it was, I passed alot of stuff I wanted to eat (mainly some roast beef (curtains)). Anyway I settled on a hot dog because it was right there next to the gate. Well, the fries were good and the soda was good and overall the hot dog was ok sort of but the presentation of it. It looked like someone just finished filming two girls one cup over this hot dog, I mean it was dripping with something that was supposedly chili and frankly (great pun, eh?) the texture was rubbery, and floppy, and it had like a think rubbery skin on it, it really could have been pig foreskin soaked in hot dog water. Who knows. I ate it, I am ashamed but I paid for it and airport food is expensive, which brings me to another point.

I sat next to the fattest lady, which is fine for like an hour flight but this was abotu a 5 hour flight, she couldn’t even but the arm rests down AND she was sitting in the middle so she was inconveniencing 2 people. When she got up to go to the bath room I put the arm rest down and when she got back she sat down, the arm rests stretched apart and her fat poured over the sides like a non-newtonian liquid, it was gross and it was starting to eat me, by the end of the flight i was exhausted and sore from having it rest on me, then I masturbated.

I Just Ate An Alarming Amount of Wendy’s

Posted in Life Lesson, manly, Morbid, New Ideas, Serious Business, Sex Story, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on December 11, 2008 by mazmo

To clear things up from the get-go,  I am not stating that I performed cunnilingus upon a bevy of women named Wendy in tandem (life-affirmingly bizarre as that would be).  No, I’m stating that for lunch today I consumed 4 ninety-nine cent double stack hamburgers and a baked potato.  This cost me five dollars. 

I was fairly hungry going into Wendy’s, but not quite hungry enough to foreshadow the repulsive gustatory display I put on for anyone who would dare to watch.  Since I was sitting by myself and had no reading material to speak of, it took me roughly 8 minutes to consume four Christ-punching double stacked hamburgers and the goddamn baked potato.  Post-lunch angioplasty is not covered by my insurance carrier, the fucks.  

Sitting here right now, praying for a young, beautiful death via distended stomach detonation, I’m beginning to realize that the sole reason I mortgaged my already fragile health today is because I could afford to.  5 holy fuck dollars bought me enough food to induce a sensation not unlike that of dropping high-grade triple-stack ecstasy. This was followed by a narcoleptic crash so severe that it required every gatherable amount of energy and dignity to fight off.  A white-hot steel cactus inserted into my ass probably would not wake me up right now. 

That is all.

Cartoonage

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 10, 2008 by dan

chopped-liver1

OJ Simpson’s Second Trial Was a Real Letdown

Posted in Humor, News/Current Events, Owned with tags , , , , , , , on December 10, 2008 by khakislacksgangster

Wasn’t life so much better in the 90’s?  The first time OJ decided to commit a crime, he killed his ex-wife and some other dude, went on a very low speed car chase with his boy Al Cowlings, hired Johnny Cochran (the most amusing lawyer imaginable), and got away with the whole thing – spawning national debate that broke down along racial lines.

So what happens in 2008?  He steals some of his shit back from people who stole it from him first, everyone ignores it, and he get sentenced to up to 33 years in jail.

This millenium sucks.

Help for anyone writing a song…

Posted in Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 2, 2008 by dan

Christmas rhymes with isthmus. 

 

But isthmus isn’t really used that much in daily language (isthmus meaning a small strip of land between water masses).  The Isthmus of Panama is really the only one you hear people mention.

 

But there’s also the thyroid isthmus, which connects lobes of the thyroid and is located in the human trachea.

 

So if you’re writing a song and you want a word to rhyme with Christmas, you should plan on including something about Panama or the thyroid.