Archive for February, 2008

I need clarification…

Posted in Geekish, Geeky, Humor, New Ideas with tags on February 28, 2008 by dan

Today I ask the following questions.  Please respond if you have answers. 

Is there a difference between a pancake, a hotcake, and a flapjack?

If you break open ball bearings, is an individual metal ball “a” ball bearing?  Or is it just a ball?

Why are the things on analog clocks “hands” when they clearly resemble arms?

Where exactly is the line between Bubble Gum and Chewing Gum?

If you sip a shot slowly, is it still a shot?

Would someone please make me a grilled cheese?

A List Of People I Hate: AKA Assholes

Posted in Geekish, Geeky, Hate Speech, Humor, New Ideas, Owned with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 21, 2008 by chumpchange

Ever meet that guy you hate? The jerk-off who is always spouting something he heard on a TV show or the one who is endlessly saying something he heard someone else say at a party? Fuck Them. These assholes annoy me and I am going to make a list of them here right now for you to either Cheer or Jeer. Here goes.

  1. “REMIX” – This is the guy who yells remix whenever the CD skips. YOU SIR ARE A DOUCHE!! It was probably really, really clever and funny the first time it was said EVER, but here you are to ruin it and beat it into the worst joke ever, I’d rather have someone cum in my urethra than to hear this ever again.
  2. “I’m Rick James Bitch” or “Fuck Your Couch” this one has for the most part gone away and you never have to worry about it anymore but every once in a while there is that douche bag who thinks he is so hip that he can transcend the lameness of saying this and spin it into comedy gold only to find out that it overworked and in turn he becomes less cool and is uncovered as the unoriginal docuhe bag he actually is.
  3. “Drink It” – I think everyone knows who this refers to. That uber douche in beer pong who says “drink it” no matter what cup it goes into. No, I will not drink that empty cup. No, I will not drink the water cup that I washed the dog shit off in. NO. NO. NO.
  4. “Working Hard or Hardly Working” – Fuck you, the fact that you are asking me this implies that you aren’t working at all go masturbate to some bear porn asshole and let me decide if what I am doing is working or not, either way it is way more interesting than you.
  5. Popped Collar Guy – I don’t even know what to say, how fucking big are collars going to get? Is this fad over? Are you going to have a collar so big you look like dracula?
  6. Pink Shirt Guy – I have nothing against pink nor men who wear it. There was a time when men would wear pink shirts because they were a present or they were gay or they had no other shirts to wear but to go out and buy one because it is cool and hip and fad like? I don’t even know what to say this one perplexes me .
  7. “Douche Bags Who Think They are the Epitome of Cool” – Hey look at how hip we are, so hip we can be lame and it will automatically become cool because we are so cool. Dude listen, you’re stunning super cool rendition of I’m every woman by Whitney Houston is NOT AWESOME, the dance you made up to the Alphabet Song is NOT AWESOME, listening to Salt n Pepa and singing along is NOT AWESOME. Stop Being A Douchebag!

That is my list for now please add any comments at the bottom, and don’t be the smartass who writes all the things I hate as a comment.

    Indiana Jones Trailer!!!

    Posted in Geeky, News/Current Events with tags on February 14, 2008 by dan

    For years the rumor mill would ever-so-often crank around to some hypothetical new installment of Indiana Jones. Boy, I’d say. That would be cool.

    Then they announced they would actually be doing it.

    I had a bad feeling. A Godfather III, Jordan playing on the Wizards type feeling. Let’s not do this, I said. My favorite movie…EVER…is Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. And yeah, I am perfectly aware of the fact that Raiders of the Lost Ark is, in every measurable sense, a better motion picture. I didn’t say it was the BEST movie ever. Just my favorite.

    Last Crusade ends with the hero riding off into the sunset (literally). Perfect end to a fantastic series. Why mess with that?

    Beyond that, let’s just face it. Our hero is no spring chicken. This isn’t the Patriot Games Harrison Ford we’re talking about anymore. It’s not even the Clear and Present Danger Harrison Ford. It’s the Firewall Harrison Ford.

    I really had no desire to see Indiana Jones nursing a bad back and sending back cold soup.

    So then I see the trailer today on Yahoo. Go watch it. Do it now, because I’m about to write about it, and I don’t want to ruin it for you (which is as close as I’ll come to using the phrase “spoiler alert;” fuck that phrase).

    Okay, you watched it?

    Cause I watched it twice, and I am pulling a major flip flop.

    I am all over this movie. Like midnight showing on opening day type all over it.

    It probably would have only taken the music to hook me, but they really do load the trailer with some decent action. And our man doesn’t look bad at all. It looks like they’re going to use his age as part of the character, which I like a lot. It’s too soon to tell if it’ll be actually any good, but I am intrigued, to say the least.

    I am fired up for the new Indiana Jones film. And no one is more surprised than me.

    Do we use fireworks enough?

    Posted in New Ideas, Uncategorized with tags on February 11, 2008 by dan

    They are loud.  They are bright.  They blow up.  EVERYONE loves them.

     So why do we only use fireworks a few times a year?  Sure, we see them on the 4th of July, and at ball games and concerts, and that’s all well and good.  But you know how every once in a while on a random holiday, or when there’s a big sporting event on TV, or just a long weekend or something, from an unspecified distance in your neighborhood you’ll hear a whistle and a pop.  Or you’ll look up and see, just over the houses, someone inside of a mile is lighting off some lightweight fireworks.

    I salute that random neighbor; both for their foresight in having fireworks at the ready  and for their stubborn willingness to risk starting a  fire for a moment’s enjoyment.

    So what about the rest of us?  Are we just going to let the burden fall on the drunken arsonists of the world?  No!  We need to reach deep and find the festive pyromaniac I know is inside of each one of us.

    Think of all the occasions that would be enriched by fireworks:

    Weddings, of course.  That’s an easy one.  Forget throwing rice or those chintzy ass bubbles people use.  Light up some Roman Candles for that shit!

    Graduations.  Barbeques.  Fridays.  A good movie opens up.  You’re going to a Chinese Buffet.  Your car passed inspection.  Saturdays.  Local radio theme night (Get the Led Out, Thirsty Thursday, etc.).  You got laid.  You struck out.  You can sleep in the next day.  It’s five degrees warmer (or colder) than it was predicted to be.  Happy Hour.  Last Call.  The list goes on. 

    Any of these moments could only be enhanced with a searing-hot chemical explosion.  And it’s about damn time we acted accordingly.

    Colorful explosives.  Need I saw more?

    A Collection of Thoughts

    Posted in Geekish, Geeky, New Ideas with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 11, 2008 by chumpchange

    Ok First, let me say that if there was a nationwide contest on Sunday February 10th for the most hungover person in America I would have won HANDS DOWN! I was vomiting until about 4pm or so, it was nasty, nasty, nasty. Anyway I was throwing up colors I didn’t know my stomach could make and what was even worse was that I had an empty stomach so I don’t know where half of these colors were coming from. One was bright orange and I have NO IDEA when the last time I ate something orange was, hell I didnt even drink anything slightly orange the night before which makes me think that I have some sort of weird colored bile or something. It was terrible.

    On a lighter note, I was thinking of things that would be really, really cool. So Here they are:

    • Thundercats vs. Robocop
    • Jedi’s Vs. Predators
    • Tansformers vs. GoBots vs. Gundam vs. Voltron
    • Naruto Gets Killed (Believe It!)
    • Freddy vs. Jason vs. Alien vs. Predator vs. Robocop vs. Terminator

    Also, trolls are cool.

    Michael Bay’s Nightmare On Elm Street!

    Posted in Geekish, Geeky with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 6, 2008 by chumpchange

    One of our readers by the name of Mashy McMashterson, sent us a link to a video of a proposed Nightmare on Elm Street trailer. Check it out here.

    From Mashy Himself

    So Michael Bay is going to be helming the Nightmare On Elm Street remake. That can’t possibly be a disaster, right? Robert Englund isn’t even reprising his role as Freddy Krueger. So here’s how I think an Elm Street movie will look in the hands of Mr. Sunsets and Explosions himself. It’ll be the only horror movie that’s also a “high octane edge-of-your-seat thrill ride” (I’m quoting Bay here)

    Enjoy!

    Bush, Clinton, Clinton, Bush, Bush, Clinton?

    Posted in Uncategorized on February 5, 2008 by murfrr

    I would love nothing more than for Hillary Clinton to lose the Democratic nomination. Not because I want Barack Obama but I just can’t grasp the idea that if Hillary wins the White House it will have been occupied by two families since I was seven. And Ronnie Fucking Reagan. I can’t imagine how this looks like a democracy to the rest of the world especially while we are in the middle of cramming democracy down Middle Eastern throats. Hillary has already been purchased and is disliked even within her party. As an independent I get no say in who the Democrats shuffle out there but I’m pulling for Obama. Unless he’s a Muslim. Is he a Muslim? I heard he was Muslim. Well at any rate, the only way Hillary’s presidency would be cool is if she had an intern go down on her in the Oval Office to get even with Bill. And for the record, no matter who the two candidates are from either side I’m writing in Mike Gravel in November.