Archive for January, 2008

Michael Bay to remake Nightmare on Elm Street?

Posted in Uncategorized on January 30, 2008 by murfrr

Sweet imaginary Christ, here we go! Wired.com is reporting that Michael Bay is planning on showing up at Wes Craven’s house and kicking him in the nuts, then wiping Santorum all over his face. It has not yet been confirmed as to whether or not the Santorum will come from Jerry Bruckheimer’s arsehole. If Michael Bay does indeed remake Craven’s masterpiece I invite all fans not only of horror but of decency to join me in picketing in front of Bay’s Xanadu palace until he agrees to leave Fred Krueger alone. We all know Bay’s best work is behind him. I am referring of course to his direction of Kerri Kendall in her Playboy Centerfold Video back in 1990. Stick to the direct to video market Bay. Don’t worry you can still blow shit up. Start with Bruckheimer’s car, ZING! Good one, me.  But seriously, do you envision a slicker, more badass Freddy with rocket launching knives on his glove, driving through my dreams at 175 m.p.h. in a shiny new black Hummer H3? If so,  please fuck off. Craven really had something with the original Nightmare on Elm Street. It still stands 25 years later as one of the best in the genre.  And quite frankly, I just can’t see Aerosmith doing a cross-promotional tie in hit single for this film, and I know how much you love that dog dick. So please Michael Bay, stick with what you know(choppy editing, “dramatic” close ups, “kick ass” soundtracks and product placement) and leave the classic horror alone.

Marmaduke… Worst Comic EVER!!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on January 28, 2008 by chumpchange

Ever read Marmaduke? No? Don’t start, it is hands down the crappiest comic ever written, I usually look past the trivial stuff but for fucks sake this dog is annoying. Marmaduke is a Great Dane, so he is large and perhaps slightly imposing, but big dogs can be trained to act like any other dog, now either this dog has mind control powers or the family is very stupid and lazy.

If, in fact, the family is so dumb that Marmaduke is controlling their life through his thoughtless and rude actions than they deserve everything that has fallen upon their house. The fact that that douche bag Phil can’t get Marmaduke to stay out of his chair, or stop him from eating the sandwiches or eating flowers or anything else a large dumb dog can easily be stopped from doing shows that this guy is a moron, why is his dog a brat but his kids aren’t?

If I had a dog that acted like that I would beat the shit out of it until it listened to me, or sell it or put it down. A normal person would probably take similar measures. But not this jerk-off Phil, he continues to let Marmaduke run his life and determine his path, what the hell is wrong with this tool? Anyway, I can go on but I would like to explore some comics and tell you how the strips final comic should be.

marmaduke

The mail man should kick this dog, or the man should sue the family for their dog causing hazard to his job. Thus it is not funny.

marmaduke

He is ruining their baseball game, not funny, just annoying, hit him with a bat.

He just yells at the dog!! The dog obviously looks worried so that means he can understand him. which means Marmaduke has no respect for his master and once again – NOT FUNNY!

So how should we end the strip? Easy. Phil comes home sees the dog sitting in his chair, a switch finally flips in this guys brain that dogs shouldn’t be acting this way and he realizes that this dog has been tormenting him for years. His eyes get evil, he calls the pound and tells them that Marmaduke has rabies, they take the dog to the shelter, the family and the neighbors gather to watch the sweet death of Marmaduke, they stare happily as the life slowly drains from the stupid beasts eyes. Everyone goes to get ice cream and play baseball, Marmaduke doesn’t ruin it, everyone is happy.

Thats just how the strip should end.

If you want to read more Marmaduke hate read here!

Marmaduke Sucks

Artificial life! (no, not yours)

Posted in News/Current Events with tags on January 25, 2008 by dan

Check out this story about scientists who built a self-replicating chromosome from scratch:  click here.

I think this is pretty awesome.  The goal is to be able to grow bacteria and fungi to produce oil substitutes, medicinal chemicals, even just straight electricity.

Of course, on the other hand, they could also make nightmarish biological weapons.

What do you think?  Extremely good news, or too scary to think about?

Heather Ledger Is Dead, Read About It Here

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on January 22, 2008 by chumpchange

Heather Ledger Is Dead, Read About It Here

http://www.cnn.com

http://www.msnbc.com

Heath Ledger Dead (pagesix.com)

Heath Ledger Dead (NYPost.com)

Look at the breaking news section.

Wow, Fuck, The Joker, I mean that was my first thought, uh wow. I really don’t know what to say that weird. Does the movie have a curse? Did he go insane from going that deep into character? What the hell!! Seriously! Leave comments, let me know what you think!

What are the rules for Terminators?

Posted in Geekish with tags on January 22, 2008 by dan

Are there any kinds of constant rules for Science Fiction? 

There’s a new show based on The Terminator, and I tried to watch it when it premiered after last Sunday’s NFC playoff game, but I was at a bar and it was noisy and well…the show really looks awful.

But it got me thinking; in T-2 (an undeniably cool film), when they sent the T-1000 back to kill John Conner, why didn’t they just send it back to the same exact night of the original Terminator?  Is there a limit to how far back in time they can go? 

Also; in the first Terminator they said how they could only send things back in time that were living, like with skin.  Nothing without skin could go back; that’s why everyone shows up in the present naked.  They can’t even wear clothes.  So did the Liquid Terminator have skin that he just peeled off?  They never showed that.

That stuff always bugs me.  Like in Back to the Future 2, Marty and Doc can’t let their past selves see them, or the universe explodes.  But Old Biff and Young Biff have like an hour-long conversation about Grey’s Sports Almanac and nothing happens?

Hm…I just realized that all of this stuff comes up in the sequels.   There’s your problem right there.

Chunes vs. Tunes or How A Tune Turn Into A Chune

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on January 22, 2008 by chumpchange

Fuckin’ Chunes DUDE!! Ever heard of a chune? I am sure that you have, a chune is essentially a really good song , it starts out a tune but somehow turns into a Chune, some examples include, most 80’s hair metal, Boston, Bon Jovi. I think that a Chune is something that about 80% of the population loves, so I guess that would be one criteria of a tune becoming a chune.

Another would be that person who puts the song in question on, do they absolutely love the song? Does this song get them pumped? Do they air guitar to it? Does most of their music in question share the same rockin’ attitude? Can you stand in a circle and drunkenly sing it? Then it is probably a chune!

Once again lets review the chune criteria:

  1. Do alot of people like the song?
  2. Do alot of Douche Bags like to “rock out” to it?
  3. Can you Air Guitar to it?
  4. When you try to call it a tune do the word chune come out of your mouth?

If you answered yes to at least 3 of these questions then you have a chune on your hands! What should you do when this occurs? Watch the video below!

Rules For Getting Owned!

Posted in Owned with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 14, 2008 by chumpchange

Have you ever been owned by someone? I mean seriously owned, that someone owned you so bad that you basically cried. It could be that you were owned in a video game by a better player, owned by a practical joke, owned by someones quick wit. Was someone around to see it? Was anyone around to hear it? Were you the only person to yell Owned when you think you owned someone? Let’s take a look at the finer points of being owned.

What exactly is getting owned?

Urban Dictionary defines it as:

1.) To be made a fool of; To make a fool of; To confound or prove wrong; embarrasing someone: Being embarrased.

2.) Total and undeniable dominance of a person, group of people or situation as to make them/it akin to ones bitch.

3.) To be defeated in a computer game, causing the winner’s ego to inflate like a party balloon as if such a victory has any tangible significance outside that of his stinking socks-infested dorm room. These people will frequently create animated GIFs of violent sports events where a player gets clobbered by his opponent, complete with blinking neon “PWN3D!” captions, and post them on their blogs to indicate that they should not be messed with.

owned

So once you have been owned, how does the Own”er” make it official to the Own”ee”?

Simple:

1.) The owner must not call owned on his own ownage unless it is PARTICULARLY well crafted and BLATANT owning.

2.) Witnesses must yell “Own3d” within seconds of the Owner owning the Ownee.

3.) Once ownership has been established it is time to do some damage control and see just how much the ownee was owned.

Tips:

  • Always continue to make fun of the person who was just owned. For Example: “Dude remember the time you got owned by me? That was sweet.” It really does not need to be more complex than that. The simple fact that you have once again shown your ownership is enough to squelch any rise in confidence from the event.
  • People will not always be around to hear your ownership, in this instance it is permissible to tell count the instance as ownership if it was true ownership. No one likes a lying owner, you will have doubters regardless so make sure you carry a tape recorder or some sort of digital recording device to prove the superior ownership of your comments.
  • If you are the one getting owned try to reverse the effects by outdoing the owning comment, its the old game of one upsmanship here.

Using owned is pretty much appropriate in ANY situation, there is actually no situation where owned CANNOT be used. Lets take a look at some examples.

  • Abortion Doctor After Throwing A Baby In The Trash (To The Baby): “Owned!”
  • A Deer Being Hit By A Car: “Owned!”
  • Killing Someone In Halo: “Owned!”

There is also a variations of Owned that constitute levels of higher ownage, here are a few:

  • own3d
  • 0wn3d
  • ()\/\//\/3|)

There is one particular instance though that is the highest level of ownage possible and is reserved for very special occasions:

  • pwned or pwn3d

Pwned denotes the highest level of ownage possible, it basically means that you have owned someone SO bad that you have no choice but to misspell the word it self because you can’t even think straight. You are so delighted at how hard you just owned someone that you can’t help but misspell it. Pwned almost specifically applies to video gaming and more importantly PC gaming, since it originally came from a PC game, Warcraft. Onceagain from Urban Dictionary.

Pwned:

A corruption of the word “Owned.” This originated in an online game called Warcraft, where a map designer misspelled “owned.” When the computer beat a player, it was supposed to say, so-and-so “has been owned.”

Instead, it said, so-and-so “has been pwned.”

It basically means “to own” or to be dominated by an opponent or situation, especially by some god-like or computer-like force.

“Man, I rock at my job, but I still got a bad evaluation. I was pwned.”

OR

“That team totally pwned us.”

If you wish to learn more I am sure you can search for it yourself. OWNED!