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Read New Posts Here At Dependable Felons!

chumpchange — Wed, 11 May 2011 17:55:36 +0000

Hey Guys we have since moved the blog and have also been making videos check us out at Dependable Felons and click on blog !!

Friday the 13th being released on Friday the 13th? Now that’s horrifying.

murfrr — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 22:08:00 +0000

I was actually running the franchise over in my mind the other night at work and a few things stood out. Part IV being billed as the FINAL chapter is hilarious because they were just getting warmed up. Imagine if you told the writers of FINAL chapter that not only would this not be the last installment in the series but four more films down the road Jason would be slashing his way around Manhattan. And the series still wouldn’t end there!

I can honestly say I’m excited for the remake for two reasons, first I believe they are combining elements of the first three films. Which you have to do because Jason doesn’t appear in the first film and he doesn’t don the hockey mask until the third. Second, the Friday series was never really that good. If you’re going to remake, reboot, re envision, re- whatever the fuck you unimaginative pricks want to call it, then choose something that sucks. And let’s be honest, Friday has always been nothing more than a slasher franchise. I would be so bold as to say it’s no better than Child’s Play. I take that back, a giant, undead, machete wielding dude in Dickies, combat boots, and a hockey mask is far more badass than, well, a doll. But the first Child’s Play film was creepier and therefore better than the first Friday.

Michael Bay producing certainly tightens my sphincter a little but what the hell, maybe we can get Jason to chug a Coca Cola while running someone over in a Hummer. Or better yet, a gun fight on Kawasaki jet skis across Crystal Lake with Jason double fisting a pair of gold plated Uzis. That one got away from me a little. But while I was infinitely dissappointed with the Texas Chainsaw and Halloween remakes on account of both of those originals being far more atmospheric than gory, I feel Friday the 13th, which is nothing more than drunk teens getting slashed to pieces while copulating, is impossible to fuck up. We shall see.

Why So Serious?

chumpchange — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 23:48:54 +0000

All I have is this photo.

At Least It Gary Oldman

The Onion staff may be psychic

dan — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:48:21 +0000

Check out this Onion article written in January of 2001

It’s eerie as shit.

The Midwest – America’s Used Condom

chumpchange — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 04:53:32 +0000

Perhaps some of you like the midwest. Well I fucking hate it, it is flat like your mom and boring like your fathers blowjobs. Seriously, the only cool place was Colorado and that because it looks cool, make the entire midwest a giant prison or something productive, make the prisoners farm for free, that could be their community service, and they would be learning a trade that would allow them to be able to merge back into society and not have to go all shawshank and kill themselves. Kansas sucks, it is so boring, and long and flat, I got to see the Oz Museum, well that was certainly a treat, except it wasn’t I was actually hoping to be raped by something that wasn’t Oz related. Utah is cool right? No, it is just as long and as voring as Kansas except it has the added danger of cold mountains, steep hills, no services (phone, gas, food) for 100 miles at a time, elk and deer crossing, mormons, polygamists, etc… The list just goes on and on.

Anyway, I have enjoyed my trip but I don’t think I will drive it again, unless someone else drives and the midwest gets more interesting.

The Wrestler

dan — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 14:27:20 +0000

So this movie is supposed to be pretty good. Reviews I’ve read have been positive.

Normally, I would leave it at that, but check out this
review by Mick Foley
http://www.slate.com/id/2207076/

And let’s get a wrestling thread going on.

I’ll start.
Undertaker in his prime v. Jake The Snake in his prime.

Discuss.

Rappers Delight

chumpchange — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 00:10:57 +0000

Lets philosophise here for a minute. What would happen if Corrupt gave a fuck about a bitch? Socrates says, and so it is stated, that he would always be broke and he quite possibly would have no mothefuckin’ endo to smoke. Thoughts?

HodgePodge

chumpchange — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 08:02:04 +0000

I like Porn. I just watched a clip from “Shut up and Blow Me 18″. Who says sequels can’t be better than the original. Somehow this got me thinking “What would the box art to “Shut Up And Blow Me 18″ look like? Well I looked first in Google and here is what I got.

More Suck For Your Buck (Thats really the tag line)

So then I went to google image search to see if anything interesting came up and I found some GEMS!! So, Yeah you can look for them yourself, really nothing that funny, I just exaggerated before I even looked and am too lazy to delete it, but I know that in the time it took me to look and then write this I easily could have taken that part out, but I digress.

Anyway, on the tail end of Mazmo’s excellent Wendy’s adventure I need to tell you about something I am sad to say that I ate yesterday. First of all I was flying from L.A. back to N.C. and I had a layover in Detroit and if you have ever been to Detroit (the airport, not the city) you wil know that it is just about as large as Mandingo’s cock. The thing is long and there is lots of food to choose from, I had a moderate amount of time to find something to eat, but not enough to sit down, so after 10 fucking minutes of walking i finally got to my gate, just to make sure I knew where the hell it was, I passed alot of stuff I wanted to eat (mainly some roast beef (curtains)). Anyway I settled on a hot dog because it was right there next to the gate. Well, the fries were good and the soda was good and overall the hot dog was ok sort of but the presentation of it. It looked like someone just finished filming two girls one cup over this hot dog, I mean it was dripping with something that was supposedly chili and frankly (great pun, eh?) the texture was rubbery, and floppy, and it had like a think rubbery skin on it, it really could have been pig foreskin soaked in hot dog water. Who knows. I ate it, I am ashamed but I paid for it and airport food is expensive, which brings me to another point.

I sat next to the fattest lady, which is fine for like an hour flight but this was abotu a 5 hour flight, she couldn’t even but the arm rests down AND she was sitting in the middle so she was inconveniencing 2 people. When she got up to go to the bath room I put the arm rest down and when she got back she sat down, the arm rests stretched apart and her fat poured over the sides like a non-newtonian liquid, it was gross and it was starting to eat me, by the end of the flight i was exhausted and sore from having it rest on me, then I masturbated.

I Just Ate An Alarming Amount of Wendy’s

mazmo — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 21:24:55 +0000

To clear things up from the get-go, I am not stating that I performed cunnilingus upon a bevy of women named Wendy in tandem (life-affirmingly bizarre as that would be). No, I’m stating that for lunch today I consumed 4 ninety-nine cent double stack hamburgers and a baked potato. This cost me five dollars.

I was fairly hungry going into Wendy’s, but not quite hungry enough to foreshadow the repulsive gustatory display I put on for anyone who would dare to watch. Since I was sitting by myself and had no reading material to speak of, it took me roughly 8 minutes to consume four Christ-punching double stacked hamburgers and the goddamn baked potato. Post-lunch angioplasty is not covered by my insurance carrier, the fucks.

Sitting here right now, praying for a young, beautiful death via distended stomach detonation, I’m beginning to realize that the sole reason I mortgaged my already fragile health today is because I could afford to. 5 holy fuck dollars bought me enough food to induce a sensation not unlike that of dropping high-grade triple-stack ecstasy. This was followed by a narcoleptic crash so severe that it required every gatherable amount of energy and dignity to fight off. A white-hot steel cactus inserted into my ass probably would not wake me up right now.

That is all.

Cartoonage

dan — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 14:57:03 +0000